Real Women Versus The Secrets of Happily Married Women
Published August 05, 2008
There are married women who have chosen to stay home with no job/volunteer work, no child(ren), and no college. They may have attended school at one time, but for them it’s a thing of the past.
For whatever reason, their husbands are okay with this. They are called “stay-at-home wives,” and they successfully avoided my radar until I heard one of them complain about being asked, “What do you do all day?” (Cry me a river. You have the time.) Then I stumbled across an article about their public relations man.
Dr. Scott Haltzman is the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women — as if the rest of us were only one book away from knowing how to secure happiness by living off of another adult. (One wonders if he advises men to quit their jobs and live off their wives in his book, The Secrets of Happily Married Men.)
Haltzman says, “One of the realities is that few men appreciate the scope and difficulties of managing a household.” Are you kidding me?
It doesn’t matter what their husbands think. It matters what these women think of themselves. What’s the difference between these women and an unemployed graduate with any empty planner who lives with his/her parent(s)? Don’t stress yourselves, Haltzman fans. There is no difference.
Running a household sans children and/or outside work is about as difficult as thumbing through the phone book looking for a decent Mediterranean restaurant. Every parent on this planet knows the household is the easy part, even when finances are severely stressed. Without children and/or outside work, life gets so easy so quickly that boredom sets in before the coffee is done brewing.
Sorry, Haltzman (and fans), it’s no secret why you’re happy. The question is why aren’t you bored? I’m gonna go out on a limb and call it the Hilton Syndrome. The only difference between a woman who allows herself to be kept by a man and Paris Hilton is the amount of money in their respective checking accounts. I’ll leave analysis of the husbands to the Freudians.
Diana (nee Gulick) Hartman is the Culture and Tastes Editor for Blogcritics.org. She is a freelance writer, mother of three, and a (Ret.) US Marine spouse. She is a Wichita, Kansas native, having also lived in the California desert, Southern California, and eastern North Carolina. She currently resides for the second time in Stuttgart, Germany. She is a contributing writer to Holiday Writes.
- Real Women Versus The Secrets of Happily Married Women
- Published: August 05, 2008
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Books: Women, Culture: Family and Relationships, Culture: Home and Garden, Culture: Society
- Writer: Diana Hartman
- Diana Hartman's BC Writer page
- Diana Hartman's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
Just who do you think you are?! If the man doesn't have a problem with the woman in his life staying home, then it's none of your business!
If you want to play follow the leader and do like everyone else, so be it. But don't assume a woman that wants to stay home is useless or that you are better than that person!
And before you say it, yes, I know you are talking about a woman that isn't going to school and doesn't have kids. Doesn't matter.
If this is the best you can find to write about, you really should become one of those women!!!
Sandy Goliver
Just who do you think you are?!
I'm the one who was made privy to the complaints some of these women have about their choice. I did not seek them out; they sought me out. Once the complaint was brought to my attention, all bets were off.
One is not obligated to write a positive review of a DVD just because a free copy was provided. In the same vein, I am not obligated to write a positive article about stay-at-home-wives just because their "plight" was made known to me.
Great article.
I read about this new trend on a major news website.
I agree "what do you do all day" is a valid question.
I do think it is a personal choice to stay home if your partner agrees.
But personally, I can't imagine working my way through college to do nothing. I also would feel as if I had lost my identity and I was "mrs. X".
I also want to know, what happens 20 years later when you husband leaves you for a younger model and you have 1)no retirement 2) no social secuirty 3)haven't worked for years and now can't get a job?
Diane,
Well written article! I think you do a great job of looking at the issue from a different, and valid perspective. I enjoyed your sense of humor and engaging writing style.
Scott Haltzman, MD
If there's that need to interact with others and get to know them like never before, a little flirting couldn't harm you that much. In fact, if you were at a forum with likeminded individuals it'll make life a lot easier for you. You don't need to keep all the things you wish to discuss all to yourself.
Have all the discussions you want to and enjoy your adult life. It's the freedom everyone deserves, so why should you hold back. Participate in forums that share the same enthusiasm as you and enjoy the flirting scene like never before.
Add your comment, speak your mind
(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/79740)
Good rant. I never had any stay-at-home days, but I know plenty who did. It's weird how the battle lines are drawn between the warring factions. Nowadays, with my kids grown, I'm too exhausted-mature-wise (or maybe just don't give a damn) about the SAHMs. There's a place for all.